While I wait patiently for Queen Elizabeth to acknowledge she gave me up at birth, I work as a journalist and write screenplays. I want Mummy to know, though, that I hold no grudges because we all do crazy things when we’re young. Now if she wants to assuage her guilt by giving me a title, then how can I begrudge her a little therapeutic giving? Duke of Texas has a nice ring to it. Oh, oh, and an estate. A big one. Of course, I’d need a staff to maintain it, and we all know what the cost of help is these days. So … a yearly income would be good, something with lots of zeros. Yes, that should make her feel better for dropping me off at the front door of that two-bit trailer where I was raised.
Oh, and that pic isn’t really me. My mop is WAY bigger.