By Steve Ramos
Pottsville, Ark. — A Pope County jury listened to four hours of testimony today in a courtroom drama that is being compared to the O. J. Simpson trial for the amount of international interest it has drawn.
Lucy Grabowski, commonly known as the Tooth Fairy, listened with what appeared to be a calm demeanor as Pope County District Attorney Carl Ray Vandiver told the eight-men, three-women and one-transexual jury that not only did the Tooth Fairy break into Ima Hogg’s home April 1, she is a suspect in the breaking and entering of millions of other homes over several centuries.
“I’m here to tell ya that little gal sittin’ over yonder ain’t no innocent creature,” Vandiver said. “No, sir, she ain’t. Truth be told, she has been breakin’ and enterin’ homes for God knows how long. I’m here to tell ya, she is a criminal the likes of which we ain’t seen since I can’t tell you when.”
On the witness stand, Hogg testified she had gotten out of bed at 1 a.m. when she heard a tinkling sound coming from where her daughter, Charlene, was sleeping.
“Well, I knowd right off sumpin’ was wrong,” Hogg said. “At first I thought it was my boyfriend throwing pebbles at the window, but then I remembered he don’t come around when my husband is to home. So I shook my husband Aubrey Gene and I says to him, ‘Aubrey Gene,’ I says, ‘Git up. I hear some rattlin’ a comin’ from Charlene’s room.’ Well, I don’t know whut I was a thankin’ cause the whole county knows a train won’t wake him up when he goes to bed drunk.”
Hogg testified she crept to the other end of the RV her family has been living in since her husband was laid off at the sawmill, and she caught the Tooth Fairy in the act of breaking and entering.
“I saw it with my own eyes, I did.” Hogg said. “I thought it was a lightning bug at first, a beatin’ against the window, but then I saw whod it was. I seen pictures of that little gal on wanted posters over at the courthouse when I was paying my probation fines, so I knew right off she was on my premises to try to steal sumpin’. Probably my Opryland thimble collection.”
Vandiver also called several Arkansas law enforcement officers to the stand to question them about the history of breaking and entering reports they’ve received concerning the Tooth Fairy.
“Oh, she looks right harmless,” said Arkansas State Police Capt. Clem Hollister. “Fact is, we’ve been after her for some time. Heck, my granddaddy’s granddaddy was after her when he was alive.”
Vandiver asked Hollister if the person he was looking for was in the courtroom.
“She shore ’nuff is,” he replied, as he pointed the Tooth Fairy out for the jury.
Vandiver accused the Tooth Fairy of stealing hundreds of items from homes under the pretense of replacing a tooth under a child’s pillow with money.
“It’s the biggest con we’ve ever seen,” he said. “Now who in his right mind would want a dirty ol’ tooth, much less leave money for it? No, sir. That critter sittin’ over yonder comes in and steals our hard-earned TVs and everthang else we done bought with our government support checks. That’s what she does.”
Television crews from around the world scrambled to interpret Vandiver’s words, flippin through a redneck dictionary compiled by Paula Deen, who has been selling them on the courthouse steps.
Vandiver drew a gasp from the jury and courtroom spectators when he accused the Tooth Fairy of more than theft. He alleges she also dispenses a dust that is causing some of the males in the county to act “funny”.
“I got me a nephew over in Little Rock, and I can’t make hide nor hair of what he’s a doin’. Thing is, ever since he lost a tooth when he was not more than six, he been actin’ mighty strange. Why his friends over in Little Rock call him Kirkella now, and he’s over there working as a nurse. Now I ask you. When is it natural for a man to work as a nurse?”
Vandiver said his experts tell him the dust the Tooth Fairy sprinkles on the children can cause gender confusion.
“They don’t call it fairy dust for nutin’, said Arkansas Tech University Professor Dovalina Rice.
The state will continue to call witnesses when the trial resumes Monday. The Tooth Fairy’s defense attorneys, all from New York City, say they will present evidence that will result in an acquittal. They declined to comment further. If convicted of the charges, the Tooth Fairy could face a minimum of 50 years in the Arkansas Department of Corrections.
“That’ll learn her not to mess with us Arkansas folks,” Vandiver said.