Sarah Palin recently visited Joe McCarthy High School where she talked to the students in the Report Un-American Activities class. Palin explained to the students the historic position Americans have always taken on illegal immigration by recounting to them the Battle of the Alamo.
“Well, this story is a really good one cause it just shows you how Americans have always been opposed to illegal immigration. See, back in 1936, a lot of Mexicans were crossing the border at San Antonio. Some of them were crossing the border at Houston, too, but let’s just do one story at a time cause I don’t wanna confuse anyone. So those Mexicans are coming across, and Calamity Jane, who was my great-great-great-great grandmother rode for three days straight to someplace to buy something.
“So the next thing you know, Paul Bunyun and John Wayne heard a big commotion, but it was just George Washington who was testing the cannons. Now some people wanna say that Peter Pan was there, too, but I don’t believe it. Everybody knows he was in Hollywood making that movie, “Pirates of the Caribbean.” If you’re not careful, people will try to rewrite history, but I’m smart, see, and I can always catch those kinds of mistakes.
“So anyway, there’s those Mexicans running across I-35 to get to The Alamo because they heard an image of the Virgin Mary was appearing on one of the walls. And that’s so dumb cause I’ve seen pictures of it, and even Ray Charles can see it’s a picture of me. Hey, do I look fat in that image?
“So, Paul Bunyan and John Wayne got the gates closed just in time, and they single-handed fought off four million Mexicans. Paul Bunyan had his ax and Mr. Wayne he was just using his teeth. It only took them about seven minutes to get those Mexicans back across the border, and that’s how we got Texas and Italy.
“Tomorrow, I’m going to tell you guys about how the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, Minnesota.”